Lost in comparisons

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/tech/blog/28333-do-you-need-a-qpinterventionq

READ THIS LINK FIRST!

Well I've had a heavy day, and then I read this...wow...I wouldn't have thought that it's precisely where I'm at but just starting to realize it. I wanted to share this article because I think that it's something that many women especially may find it difficult to say, but is so true. On our journey here to Labrador, I have had many eye opening experiences including fear of who I am, fear of not being liked, being seen as judgemental, being seen as a newby, or childish and other noted things that probably not the first woman to feel insecure about...

So as much as I enjoy and love the new pinterest addiction that I have, I'm wondering if it is taking me off who I really am. Am I an artist??? Even though I certainly did try a nice new art project today (referenced by Pinterest), or am I a cook?? or am I actually organized??? or am I really simply trying to live up to what a woman of my age "should" be. 

I have never really known if I ever wanted children. (Even before I met my husband). I have always had a heart for the lost who have no homes, fostering or adopting. Any time I would hear one of those stories I would tear up, but even that right now frightens me, and I wonder if I ever really want to be a mother or mother figure..I have a hard enough time being a wife... But here I am 28 years old, and I'm still trying to figure it all out. And trying not to feel the pressure of the world of what I "should" do.  I know that I LOVE music, I love worshipping, and I love funky things that everyone probably looks at me and thinks...Amanda?? umm...maybe you shouldn't be wearing that, or doing that... or painting that??? etc...etc....

I met a woman last week who would speak her mind no matter what..didn't care what anyone thought. She said she didn't care to chat about the "little" things, but the only things she was interested in was to sit with someone "drink, smoke and talk about relationships" she said as she laughed with not a care in the world. Ok, no that's not who I am, but I did like how she knew what she wanted and what she wanted to do. But don't get me wrong, I think this same woman took a long time to get there. 

I've always wanted to help young girls who are struggling with who they are, struggling with what God wants for their lives, struggling with relationships, or their self esteem, stuff like that, but I'm not sure if I can do it until I know who I am, and not needing to compare myself to those around me.

 I just don't want to "fit" in. I want to not feel the need to compare, conform, or to adapt. I want to feel secure in what and who I am, and I want to take interest in what other women do, but not feel the need to do it the "exact" same way...I want my creativity and my individuality to speak for itself.