Survival of the fittest

You ever walk into a room, and immediately just look for a safe spot to sit?? A spot where nothing or no one will really notice you, and you can just sort of blend in. That's me. I stand back, scope the place out, see who would be sitting around me, wonder if they are friendly. I also try to check out and make sure that I can appear comfortable but on the inside I'm aching with uncomfortable feelings. I've got so many thoughts racing, and I've got so many mixed emotions. My stomach is usually in knots, and I'm usually sweating like crazy. I'm trying hard just to keep my head low, but at the point where I can still appear approachable.

APPROACHABLE...there's the key word for me. I don't want to look like I don't want to meet anyone, but I know that I'm not super comfortable just to start randomly walking up to people I've never seen before in my life. If someone were to walk up to me and start chatting, I would start chatting with them like as if I knew them my whole life. I listen and ask questions, that's what I do for a living, once I'm approached the chatting is not hard to do. And in my role you soon learn that most people are ok with talking about themselves once they are given permission.

Now different situation, put me in a small group, or in a leadership role of any type, I'm going to make every effort I can to make everyone else not feel uncomfortable. I'm going to help people feel important, and hopefully "break the ice".

You would think at my age, that meeting and making new friends becomes all natural and easy. I mean I should be confident and secure in myself by now right and be able to approach anyone?  Well for some people, they probably just have always been good at it, but if your like me, it's always been a push. It doesn't just come naturally like others. And now I'm at a stage in my life, where I wonder if because I consider my husband my best friend, and I have my two "kids" to take care of, if I've become comfortable with that.

I went to University where I didn't know anyone. I had to just learn to survive on my own. And I did. In my first year I met one of my best friends, who still remains that way. She is one of my main go to people. And my other best friend, well I had known her since I was young, and we immediately got reacquainted there in town. I still even had to get to know her all over again. So from those two, we met a few other people, some at church, and some at school, but we got comfortable.

 I recall sitting together with my three friends during supper at the University Cafeteria, and there were more chairs at the table, but normally we sat just us 4 and we were happy with that. Were we unapproachable? Were we wrapped up in our own little friendship that we didn't let anyone else in? It's hard to recall what people may have thought of us, but now I wonder if as you age, and you get married, if people assume that you don't need anyone else and you become unapproachable. Yeah you might know a few other people, and you might acquaint yourself with them, but really overall, you are just comfortable with your significant other, and therefore unless you can find another couple who conveniently has all the same interests as you and your husband, and you somehow have all the same senses of humor you just go out treading water on your own. So then you have children (or dogs in my case) and they become your world. Your home is child and/ or dog friendly, and so then unless you meet other couples who has a child that yours can be best friends with, so they grow up having someone in their lives that they are close to, and the parents are close and friendly and enjoy each other's company, but it's never the same as when you met that first best friend back in University. (now perhaps this is a different scenario then with dogs :)

So what am I getting at? Well how do I appear approachable, even though I'm happily married with two wonderful dogs? How do we meet new people naturally? Do we have to have kids? Do we need dogs? And although I'm never expecting to replace any friendships that I already have (because even with distance, I always feel close to them), is it possible to reconnect with people in the same way that we did back in University, when you had relationships, and school work, and fashions and stuff to talk about.

I will always remember how I met my husband. My best friend and I went to church, and on the way out the door, a group of guys came and APPROACHED us and tried to find out some stuff about us, and asked us to hang out. Sure there was ulterior motives, but they approached us. And if you asked my friend today, she would think that we were not exactly the most approachable people. But here we were, people wanted to make friends, guys wanted to meet new girls. So what now? I've been married for 5 years, and have moved around, and met many different wonderful people, but have never really developed the same types of relationships like I had in University. Does this mean I'm unapproachable? Does this mean that I'm just too comfortable? Does this mean I compare too much?

I would love to be able to just walk up to someone and say "blah blah blah..would you be my friend?" like we did back in the old school days. But that's just probably not acceptable anymore. Plus my personality doesn't do well with it. Have I lost my survival instinct? When we first arrived in Labrador the first thing we did was go to church, where we could be around people and try to look "normal" despite our living circumstances. We are here now, and we are living a more normal life with a house and our own bed, but we are still far from normal. Our survival instincts have to click in a new way. We are not trying to survive with water and heat, but trying to blend into our surroundings, and feel as if we have been here our whole lives. We need to give ourselves some time, and we need to allow ourselves opportunity, so for now I suppose I'm just trying to appear approachable.

So for those of you who are trained "APPROACHERS", well please understand that there's always more then meets the eye, one step out could mean a significant lasting friendship (even if that person doesn't seem so approachable at first). And the next time you are like me, and you get a whole sense of anxiety over meeting new people, and a simple thing of trying to choose a place to sit becomes a big deal, just take a deep breath, look around...your not going to replace your other friends, your just going to reconnect with new ones, even if its over having to wipe a baby's bum, or pick up dog poop. It's a battle ground out there, and only the fittest survive.

Thus begins PHASE 2 of our journey.......