The Waiting game...

I know we are still in the beginning phases but we are moving along but there is more paperwork then I would have ever imagined. But even with all the paperwork and the slight hurdles that we might face along the way of this journey we are already becoming attached to our little girl.

As we wait to hear news and as our friends and family are inquisitive with questions. I wish I could be giving them more. I am awaiting the moment for the phone call that step 2 is done and step 3 is complete. Who knows how many steps there are but  eventually it will be completed. We first started on this journey being told it may only be a couple of months. And now we have been told 3 to 4 months. At that rate we believe and are praying our little girl journey's home by June. It would be a great birthday gift for my 30th birthday :)

But as we wait, we think, we plan, we feel a lot of things but nothing more then that can be done. I suppose it's likely different then when you are waiting on a pregnancy. A friend said to me, even when you are pregnant and waiting, you are still with your little one. Each passing day right now is another moment and another highlight of her life that we are missing. And even though we know where she is, she is being well taken care of and loved very much (which we are very thankful for) we want very much to be part of that as well.

How can we miss something we've never had? I don't know how we do, but we do. And every day is harder, but we will continue to wait, and we will continue to pray. As we wait we prepare. We have begun preparations in her room. We are focusing on raising funds to get her home, and we are doing a ton of reading. We want to do everything right for this little girl. We want to make our house a home for her, and we want to give her everything she needs physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I am thankful for everyone that has already supported us through this journey in so many ways already, and as we continue through the journey, I ask that you try not to forget about us. We are travelling a journey to bring our daughter home, but we are travelling a journey of preparation every day filled with some emotional roller coaster rides and some downright patience. We know it will come, and we know we are on the right path, but it often feels like a dream. One that may only become true if we are lucky.

It is hard to sit and wait. I wonder if I should be doing more of something. But as we wait, and we don't have much news to share with our friends and family, please know that those are the times when we need your prayers the most. Those are the times that Ty and I may be sitting at home in silence just waiting, just anticipating, just wondering what things will be like. Those are the times that I'm finding it difficult not to be on the phone hassling and bothering social workers all the time as they attempt to do their job. Those are the times that I'm preparing and planning for her to be here, but there are still no pattering feet, and still no little cries, and still no hugs and snuggles. We have all this love that we want to be able to give to this little girl and although our love is strong with each other, we want to give more.  It is hard for me to sit and write here and be this transparent, but I know I'm not the first to experience the "adoption birthing pains" that seem to sometimes go on forever, so therefore I want to share this for those that are wondering "what are you doing?" and "what do you need for support right now?". Those prayers still need to be heard. Please remember us as you pray.

I came across this poem in a book that spoke to me, and it may speak to others in their understanding, or maybe you have experienced this yourself, so I thought I would share.

Song of the waiting mother

I’m pregnant but my tummy isn’t growing

And no one ever calls me “Little Mom”

The public simply isn’t overflowing

With questions that I’d handle with aplomb

There are no special clothes that mark my waiting

Nobody stops and smiles as I pass by.

The absence of a due date is frustrating

And looking at the nursery makes me cry

When I’m overdue no one will worry

The phone won’t ring and ring as friends check in

I can’t induce my labor in a hurry

My new life as a parent to begin.

Adoption is a worrisome endeavor

And waiting all alone is not much fun.

To be “with child” a year seems like forever.

Dear God, we’re ready! Please send us our son.

- Christine Futia (1989)