For those of you that really know me know that really opening up about some of my thoughts and feelings can be very difficult. Perhaps that is why I became a counsellor, because I love to listen and am not always the talker. But here I am wearing out some of my emotions and thoughts for anyone to read. I feel like I'm allowing everyone to read my journal.
I've kept a journal for many many years, and it has always been so helpful, but here I am now, essentially journaling for so many people to see. It makes me slightly uncomfortable to know that people are actually reading about my life, and I'm even asking why I'm being so honest...but I thought...why aren't people being more honest about these things...I think it's just fear really. I have quite a bit of fear about even sharing some many of these honest thoughts and feelings that I've been experiencing.
Perhaps it makes some people uncomfortable. Perhaps it's difficult for you to read. Maybe you think I'm seeking attention or sympathy...which I don't feel like I want to do at all. Simply put, what I'm trying to say here is the truth without hiding behind any fears of what others may think.
Being a counsellor I listen to people vent about certain situations in their lives, and I hear the good the bad, and the ugly. I have to fight back any urge to put my two cents worth in, and just allow them to vent. There's something about venting..there's something about letting it go. And for many clients I see they have held things in for so long. They say that no one has ever really listened to them, and that no one really understands them. That I think is absolutely true!!
Ask yourself this, you meet up with someone, and then you use the famous question: "How ya doin'?"..what would your reaction be if they REALLY started saying how they were doing that day...good or bad.
So what am I blabbering on about?? Well....I suppose I may vent for the sake of venting here, but yes I know it is public, but it's interesting to see and hear responses from people no matter what they are. If you are not interested in hearing the truth about what I'm feeling and going through, I don't want you to feel obligated to read this. I'm not saying that I'm in such a bad situation that I don't see the blessings, and I know there may be so many other people that are going through difficult situations..but essentially what I'm trying to do here is describe the JOURNEY!!!!! A journey involves hills, valleys, turns and sometimes accidents...in order to get where we are going we need to travel along with all those challenges.I figured many people are interested in what we are doing here, and I could give the "oh great" response..which is true, but it's cookie cutter. I wanted to allow a chance for people to really read this and relate.
There are days lately when I'm exhausted from praying, and there are days when having faith seems really really hard...but I can still look back on the blessings that I've already been given, as well as the blessings that I know God has in store. God works everything together for good....even when I can't see it.
Our house hasn't sold in Moncton, and we've been bouncing from house to house here, and as inconvenient as it has been it's been amazing how people have opened themselves up to help us. They have given in ways, that Ty and I have never even thought possible. I know that we are going through these challenges to at least learn some major things, but it hasn't come without some pain. There's been no suffering no...but sacrificing of the things that we once found convenient and nice...I guess if anything that's the lesson I've already learned. Ty and I just know that we have many decisions to make, and many more things to go through..and the adventure we sought ought to achieve is apparently being fulfilled..but just difficult to handle at times.
So I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, but rather just trying to be open, honest without all the "cookie cutter" answers. Maybe it will help you relate, maybe it will make you want to tell me to suck it up....
No comments:
Post a Comment